Wall Street Says The Dumbest Things

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"Past performance is not a guarantee of future results."

  • Translation: Past performance will be the primary basis for selecting investments and building an investment portfolio now that we have satisfied our legal department and the governing bodies of our industry.

"We will buy more when it goes back down."

  • Translation: We did not buy it when it was down.

"We will sell more when it goes higher." 

  • Translation: We did not sell when it was higher.

"I am looking for a short-term correction, but the market looks generally higher to me."

  •  Translation: I haven't got a clue and I want to cover my bases regardless of which way the market goes.

"The shorts are covering."

  • Translation: I do not know why the stock is going up.

"The market is overbought." 

  • Translation: I did not get in.

"The market is oversold." 

  • Translation: I did not get out.

"The stock sold at a 25 PE last year therefore the stock is undervalued and should go up." 

  • Translation: I'm overvalued and should get out. 

"Accounting for virtually all of the performance deviation relative to the S&P 500."

  • Translation: We did a lousy job.

"We are moving out of the technologies and into cyclicals."

  • Translation: This is it, no more technology.

"We are a full service firm."

  • Translation: P.T. Barnum would be so proud.

"I think owning Internet stocks is reckless speculation.

  • Translation: Years ago I could see that neither Henry Ford nor Thomas Edison knew what they were doing.

"I'm hearing and sources said" 

  • Translation: I will take the credit if I am right and will be quick to lay blame if I am wrong.

"Seating is limited." 

  • Translation: Seating is limited to all who want to attend.

"You could lose all of your investment." 

  • Translation: You will almost certainly lose all of your investment.