"I will wait until the
stock splits." - Translation:
Four quarters, not ten dimes, are better than a dollar and you can forget
about trying to give me two half dollars for the twenty nickels!
"It’s
only a paper loss." - Translation:
You’ll take my NSF check won’t you?
"I
do not want to own stocks or bonds, just mutual funds."
- Translation: No sir, no gin and vermouth
in a tall-stem glass with a twist for me, I’ll just have a martini.
"I
leave everything up to my advisor." - Translation:
My teenage children balance my checkbook.
"The
price will come back up." - Translation:
Elvis has not left the building.
"My
broker is with a big, well-known company." - Translation:
Al Capone was with a big, well-known company.
"My
advisor seems so friendly and understanding." - Translation:
"What beautiful teeth you have my dear," said the wolf to Little Red
Ridinghood.
"Wall Street analysts
are predicting the market will go up and then down." - Translation:
The weatherman says there will be a sunrise and a sunset.
"My
advisor seemed to make so much sense." - Translation:
My psychiatrist said the lapse was a relapse, simple.
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