Stock Market Top

Stock Market Bottom

The Dow is going to 35,000

Don’t even say the word "Dow" around me.

Wall Street is hiring as many employees as it possibly can, decentralizing, and constructing new facilities. They know what they are doing. The market is definitely going higher. Maybe I should build a new home?

Wall Street is firing as many employees as it possibly can, centralizing, and selling newly constructed facilities. They know what they are doing. The market is definitely going lower. Maybe I should sell my house?

I finally know what I am doing. I actually understand the stock market.

I finally know what I am doing. I’ve got my paper route down perfectly.

I cant’ lose.

I can’t win.

I quit my career to trade the market.

I start back to work at my new job as soon as I finish the training classes.

I just buy any stock that announces a stock split.

I am split in half.

I can hardly wait until the stock market closes to see how much money I made.

I can hardly wait until the stock market closes to stop my losses for the day.

Very big, fast car. Quick stop for the café latte. Late for work. Who cares? Go see my broker, take a golf lesson, and then tend to business.

The bus stop is only a mile away. With two transfers, I can be at work in about two hours most of the time. Besides, what’s the rush.

The major money is in capital gains. Stock dividends and bond interest income are for sissies.

The real money is in having some. My asset allocation is 50% t-bills and 50% under the mattress.

Mortgage house, margin stock, and buy options.

I better get in and start buying.

I just sold my last stock market investment.

Want it? Just charge it. We’ll pay for it with the money I am going to make on my next options trade.

Want it? Just work for it. You pay cash for it with what is left of your second job's paycheck after we pay the rent.

New chip

Blue chip

Why didn’t I stop sooner?

Why didn’t I stop sooner?

Asset allocation, asset shmallocation! Load up on a few fliers and go for the fences!

I don’t even by a single brand of socks anymore.

Bonds are boring. Income, who needs income? The real money is in capital gains. Two new country club memberships, more credit cards, another new car, and we should be closing on our new home. Not a bad month.

Capital gains, what capital gains? A stock has to go up to have capital gains. I bought bonds with the money I had left. The income from the bonds will keep me in my newly acquired cigarette habit and Social Security should keep me in the trailer park.

What do they do? Who cares!

What did they do? You’ll have to look at the bankruptcy filing.

I do it all on my own!

It’s my advisor’s fault!

I can hardly wait to get home and look at my monthly statement to see how much money I made last month.

I don’t want to go home. I haven’t looked at a statement in months. Besides the "For Sale" sign on my front lawn depresses me.